Oh Hey.

Insomnia. That is what spurred the beginning of this blog. It is currently 2:52 A.M and my mind has not been able to slow down due to the chaos that is currently my life. Before I continue, I would like to point out that I have been meaning to start a blog for a while now, but I have not been able to come up with something that I felt would be good enough. Well fuck that, I am going to write and see where this goes because clearly sleep is eluding me for some reason.

Confused. That is what I am and how I act most of the time. I find it entertaining and it makes life more interesting to not fully understand what is going on. That probably sounds bad, but allow me to explain. Do you really want to know everything? Where is the fun in life if you already are aware of its true meaning? Things happen that I really do not understand until weeks later; it hits me like a lightning bolt (oh hey cliché) and suddenly I realize that had I not made some drastic or poor decision in the previous week, I would not be where I am today. I feel like a lot of people take for granted the mistakes that they make. Instead of hiding from it or forgetting about it, embrace it. Appreciate the fact that had you not made it, you would not be the same person. We are constantly adapting and molding ourselves into something new, and it is the shit we go through that makes us who we are.

Jewish. Yup I’m a Jew. However, as I tell most people I first meet, I actually went to Catholic school for nine years of my life. Contradiction? Yes. It’s a long story I won’t bore you with now (though in person I probably would) but it has made me a more well rounded individual who is willing to stand up for what I believe in. I enjoy religion and the thoughts that it encourages, and I could probably talk about how it is an ideological state apparatus which I just learned in my literary theory class; but once again I will not bore you with random things that interest me like English (yay English major). Back to Judaism. I am reform, which on the scale to jew(ish) to Fiddler on the Roof lover is more on the lower half, yet the beliefs I hold are still important to me, as I consider myself a faithful Jew. During high school I even went through a time where I made my dad go to Friday night services with me because I realized I was going to church more times than I’d ever been to a synagogue. Then I got busy… but I never forgot about the comfort that being Jewish has given me and I continue to hold my values dear.

Journey. Don’t Stop Believing. ‘Nuff Said.

College. Ohhhh College. This is the time when we are socialized to believe that we are supposed to find ourselves; we are supposed to figure out our life’s calling and find that person we want to settle down with somewhere in between studying for finals and doing a keg stand.  Really? We walk around in the cliques that we are too scared to admit still exist despite being “mature adults” and we wish our mothers were still around to do our laundry (well sometimes. I actually am weird and enjoy cleaning and the like…that’s a whole other story). Currently as a sophomore I am in the midst of the drama, the difficult classes and what is apparently the “best time of my life.” I do admit there are a lot of high points, however mixed in there are some things I could do without…. Yet at the same time and like I said before, without those shitty times I would not be the person I am today. It’s all about finding a balance between the awesome and unbearable, and I know that that will continue after I finish my undergraduate degree. Until then, let’s see where this journey takes me…. It is currently 3:15. Now I get to play with things to make the page pretty. Maybe some sleep will happen.

XO, CJhJtC 

 

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